April 16, 2015

Today's date is etched in my mind and heart...my late husband died on April 16. Today makes 5 years ago. Long days but short years. The sting of it has lessened. The tears are fewer. My heart is more recovered. I still live with the effects of the loss, but I've mostly adjusted to being a single mom, a widow and a party of 1. Mostly adjusted to flying solo in ministry and life. Mostly figured out how to live without him and mostly discovered who I am apart from being a wife.... I've mostly adjusted to shopping alone, sleeping and getting up alone. Yep...adjustment doesn't mean happy about it. But adjustment means adjustment. You see for over 2 years after his death, I lived like he was still alive and had you spoken to me and didn't know my husband was dead, you'd think he was at home waiting for me. Adjustment. I had to give myself permission to live without him. I had to accept my new norm.

What I know is that God has kept me...even when I didn't want to be kept. God has kept me. 5 years later...God has kept me. To God be the glory. And He will keep you too.